Marriage is honourable and sweet and there is no doubt about that. What baffles me more about it is that those who desire it do that with earnest expectations. As a youngman, when you come of age you wish to get married so that you can live a more fulfilled and exciting life, and importantly also raise children that will call you “Daddy”. The yearning for “Daddy! Daddy!” from one’s children is always the pride of every couple. The same wish is applicable to ladies and that accounts for why a lady who is getting to thirty without a man who she could call a husband, begins to feel uncomfortable. Not even a promise of a paradise can wish away the desire to be a mother, so when she is hooked it is usually fulfilling.
To the bride to be, the marriage preparation is something else. It has to be the one that must look like the wedding in Canaan? To the rich, the wedding hail must be the best in town, the wedding suit, gown, cake, food and the Ashebis’ clothes have to be packaged in heaven if possible. As for the guests, it must be the high and mighty in the society. As for the music it must be 2-Face, D-Banj or no other. Well, I absolutely have nothing against grand wedding preparations. The reason is because marriage as ordained by God is a sweet experience and whatever any one can do to make his or hers appear great is okay by me.
However, after all those preparations and the dreams of a bashful wedding are achieved the next question is “What follows?” Many have the idea to make the wedding activities heavenly but they lack that which can help keep the marriage afloat. Amazingly, some, when they wake up from the euphoria of the blissful marriage plans and preparations, have looked beside themselves on the bed and wondered if actually they made the right decision. Some have regretted so soon because they just discovered that they married the wrong person especially as they come to realize that the excitement of the bedroom is far-fetched.
I sincerely sympathize with such people because in all honesty if they learn the right buttons in marriage and how to press them, indeed, they will discover that marriage is an experience which every human being should have because there is warmth, joy, happiness when two hearts that beat as one are united.
The sudden regrets stem from the fact that many couples have lost the candle of their bedroom as a result they roam about in their various bedrooms in total darkness and nobody ever feels comfortable and confident in a dark environment. The surprising thing is that many had walked into the bedroom door with their candles on but after a while a whirl wind came and blew the lights off. Rather than getting matches to put it on again it becomes too difficult for them and at such situations many couples have remained in their bedrooms in pitch darkness. They cannot therefore see the beauties of a bedroom because of the darkness.
Several factors can quench a bedroom light and that includes naivety. A lot of young people who get into marriage are naive about their sexual lives. Some because of family up bringing, the ability to express themselves through sex on their matrimonial beds is as difficult as climbing the Zuma Rock. When sexual expression is lacking in marriage the excitement of married life will not be achieved and the place of fulfillment will as well be lacking. Some young ladies refuse to understand that their husbands are not their fathers or their biological brothers and in view of this, they approach their conjugal responsibilities with rigidity. No, such people should see their husbands as their best friends, a romantic pal and a companion. They should also know that the activities in the bedroom are part of the requirements for a successful marriage.
When you do not know how to keep your marriage bed warm you ask questions, read books and seek counsel from experts. Behind the closed door, you are there all alone to explore your secret services. Both husband and wife within the confines of their bedroom have unfettered and unrestricted accesses to their respective secret services which have great hidden treasures that can sustain their marriage for a life time. As a husband you must appreciate the elements in your wife’s body, use them effectively and you will be glad at the experiences afterwards.
Another factor that quenches the bedroom candle is over spirituality. Some people are too holy that their holy attitudes surpass that of God. They forget that God himself instituted marriage and gave man the injunction to increase and multiply. How else can this be achieved if not through the sexual act? Through sex we are co-creators with God. When he said; “go into the world increase and multiply”, it is not by the artificial technology of a laboratory scientific experiment, but by the act of multiplication through love. Dolly Paton the great American country music star in one of her songs, said that her Mum and Dad must have loved themselves so much because she had “brothers and sisters”. For you to give birth to children you must have love for your spouse, the evidence of that love is in the children you produce. Sex which is love making is a union of two hearts wrapped in complete affection and God in heaven sanctioned it. The clergy and parents encourage that married couples should express themselves freely through sex. Once you are legally married you have the certificate direct from God because through it you become co-creators with God. If you shy away from it because of your religious attitude you are not fulfilling God’s mandate which in itself is a sin unto God and to your marriage. Please don’t put out the light.
In one of my earlier write ups in this column entitled “Be your spouses best friend” I pointed out that a healthy sex relationship with your spouse is an act of worship to God. This is because sex is the closest intimacy between a husband and his wife. Through sex husband and wife express love and appreciate their bodies. In the bedroom, communication is very important. Most people can afford to sit in the office and talk endlessly. Some will say, “I enjoy coming to the office because, the people around me make me laugh”. When they come to the office they are free with office mates, business partners and friends. But when they get home they lack the openness of expression. Worst still, when they venture into the bedroom with their spouses, they become deaf and dumb. Every expression and communication comes through sign language. No! this is absolutely wrong!! Your spouse should be your best friend, the one you gave your heart to. Both of you must learn how to express yourselves effectively while in your bedroom.
There are various facts about love making which both of you must study and explore together. Feel free to tell your spouse the part of your body that turns you on. Oh yes! he/she is yours and whatever you do in your bedroom as an act of love has been totally endorsed by God and man provided you are legally married. Some husbands lack the art of fore-play. Once they have the urge, they jump on top of their wives and within seconds it is over and that is the end of the story. You are getting it wrong. The key to an exciting love relationship is making your wife know that you appreciate her. Spend time in letting her know how beautiful she is through your words and gentle actions. Her ears are open, tell her beautiful things, after all she is beautiful. Spend time and say something sweet and nice to your spouse. By the time you have effectively done your home work well, your key to opening your Jerusalem’s golden gate will be beckconing on you. And when you eventually enter your Jerusalem, it will be “Wow! Heaven is real and it is here on earth!!”
Finally, you must know how to come back to your house early especially the man. Forget the habit of coming home when your spouse is already in bed. The reason is that no matter the degree of affection, it will surely die with time for a spouse who is a night crawler. One is that when you keep late nights, it breeds distrust and disaffection and the weight of the two can easily blow off your bedroom candle.
The place of a healthy sex relationship in marriage cannot be overemphasized. It is the bed rock of a happy marriage. Are you desirous of a blissful married life? Then you must wake up to your conjugal duties. You must work hard to ensure that your “bedroom candle” is ever shining. A dark bedroom is worse than darkness itself, only love can keep the light shining to radiate warmth.
God’s grace my dear.
