Disregarding Love And Beauty II


wkend page Nina F. Nwulu

In the last week’s edition, we spent time considering how men disregard their wives and run around other people’s wives and ladies. In that piece, it looked as if women are not part of this odious crime. Well if I don’t talk about women no one should blame me. This is because in the time past it was difficult to associate women with promiscuous life. This is also because women are the custodians of sanity and good conduct.
From childhood, a woman is groomed to suit the task of her future position as a wife to a responsible man. A mother spends time teaching a female child how to sit. I have constantly heard the chorus from my mother. “Nina sit like a woman” so as I grew up, I came up with the conscious attitude of minding my sitting position. When I sit whether in public or in private, I am always conscious of the fact that my legs are together because that was what my mother taught me. Most of the times while in public I sit with legs crossed so that I don’t expose certain predicaments to the eyes of the public. I was also taught how to talk in public. I am not to open my mouth wide while in public. In fact my mother taught me how to walk with grace and many other morals like not looking towards the direction of the meat while eating with others. In fact the instruction was to look away from the meat and as well eat slowly so that I don’t look like one who is greedy. My mother spent more of her precious time grooming me and my sisters on good behavioural practices not that my brothers were neglected but most of her home lessons were directed at us who are females.
Through her, I got my certificate as a good cook and a master cleaner of the house. Yes! I remember vividly that she will always tell us then that whatever we learnt from her will be useful to us in our husbands’ home. Even though the theory was difficult to decode because of our tenderness yet, we moved on in her direction. Those days, she always lamented when any of us stood with any person called “boy” the topic of discussion not with standing, you must suffer severe punishment. The rule was stay away from boys, do not allow them touch you, or else one would be afflicted with the disease called “pregnancy”. Wherever we were found, we were in the company of our fellow girls chatting our lives away. Nobody thought of boy friend/girl friend relationship, we were all-innocent boys and girls who moved on in life with unpolluted minds.
However, as time went and the so called civilization began to play up in people’s minds and the boys and girls began to loss contact with home teaching and grooming. Then sexual relationships among the youths began to grow to the extent that some even carry excess luggage into their matrimonial homes.
Prior to marriage, a young girl has started drinking “sex” like water even at the tender age of ten to twelve years. At this age a girl child for instance has started enjoying senior people’s jokes. How can such a person cope with one man when she eventually gets married? It becomes practically impossible because the act of morality has been thrown into the trash can. The most annoying part is that some parents especially mothers allow/ encourage their daughters in such unholy tendencies. Some ladies have even turned their mothers kitchens into a brothel. Right under your nose your fifteen year old daughter comes back home with a seventeen year old boy and introduces him as her boy friend and her mother will welcome the idea and will even create a chance for privacy in the inn. Such things never happened in my time as a youth. My mother will skin you alive not to mention my father who will call a kindred meeting for you immediately and the youths of your age will be given the responsibility of “handling you” and “treating you fine” as the slogan then was. Several strokes of cain will be your portion in full public glare. Next time when a child thinks of what punishment she will undergo, she will run away from such evils.
The same suffering or more were also meted out to those who fought, stole, gossiped etc. the society was better then and when a Young man comes for any of the ladies around, he is sure of the commodity he is taking home with him. Today, the story is far-fetched. Parents are no longer giving their children proper home training. When you even see your neighbor’s child straying and you put up a corrective measure, the parents of the child will ask you who hired you for the job and will warn you sternly to stay away from their child. In the days past, it wasn’t so, every adult around fits into the parents position and will not stand the sight of any indiscipline from any given child.
The girls then were very good wife-materials, who have been groomed in a most respectable manner to fit into their husband’s ribs and whenever it was any girls turn to be married both the home she came from and her husband’s home rejoice at her transition into Wifehood, and into her new home because she had mastered the formulas of managing the home.
The girls being groomed then also had listening ears. When an elder corrected them they had always received the corrections with joy, knowing fully well that the person that gave the correction had good intentions.
Today the story is the other way round. When they err and stand to be corrected the language will be “leave me alone” “I have my life to live” “mind your own business” and if care is not taken the parents will also warn you to mind your own business. The new generation girls are left to grow into these bad habits of disrespect for elders, saucy attitudes, lack of management of the home, greed and above all not being content with what they have. It is this lack of contentment that lures them into the sin of adultery after marriage.
Yes the crave to have “more” will lead them to move beyond the limit of what their husbands can provide to looking into another man’s pockets. At this juncture, the prince charming, they married will no longer satisfy their ambitions and desires. No they want some more including some more men!! Shamelessly, they will tell you that the master outside is wealthier, more handsome and even more knowledgeable than the in-house master. The crave for material gains such as more gold, more silver, diamond, dresses and others will make them denounce their marriage vows to nonsensical and dirty habits.
My dear promiscuous wife, shamelessly, you have denounced your marriage vow and you have accepted to lie naked before another man. What a taboo! God have mercy! Another woman’s reason for her promiscuous life could be because the husband does not meet her material needs. What about the other woman who is wealthy and highly sophisticated yet, here she is, lying naked with her driver, house boy or gate man even as I am writing this piece and she is reading it? What is your problem woman? Are you insane or some thing else? How can a whole madam in her full majesty descend so low as to date her driver?
What is such a woman looking for? Certainly not material gains. It is only her that can tell us what she really wants. Is it masculine strength or what?
Out there on the streets, some women are painting the town red with promiscuous life styles. They can hardly set their eyes on political appointees, managing directors of big companies etc and the next move is to throw their legs wide open for such a man because of money. This is absolutely unacceptable as it speaks against our moral values. As a woman, you are the wife of the home and in the community you are a teacher, the family doctor, a bridge builder and mender, a manager of the home and above all a mother and counselor. What will you tell your daughters when they run around men? As you are reading this piece, open your hands you will see that your hands are loaded with so many responsibilities. Your neglect of your responsibilities have run your family and society aground.
I charge you to get up from the pit you have fallen and re-trace your steps. Get back to your duty post because the world is wailing that you have lost the track. Get back to your husbands bosom because he is still waiting. God’s grace as you retrace your path to the good lane of love